Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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