I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you win again, gameday.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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