when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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