I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
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Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
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There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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