I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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