At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She even gives head with a lisp.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
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Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
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There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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