we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
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so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
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IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
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