Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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