we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
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I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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