I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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