OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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