To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
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gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
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He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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