As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
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Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
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thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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