wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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