When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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