my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
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I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
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That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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