highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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