and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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