But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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