I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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