There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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