that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
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Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
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The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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