i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
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I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
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you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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