This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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