It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
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He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
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Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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