I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
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I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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