i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize