I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
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The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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