Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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