I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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