my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You ever have a fart follow you around?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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