Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Do you still have your period?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
A+ Viking dick
Randomize