Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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