She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
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