Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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