Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My ATM looks so different sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm like, not good at living.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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