My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize