She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dignity is for republicans.
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When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
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if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We need a shit load of segways right now
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
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