I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize