Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize