lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
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I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
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If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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