whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
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Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
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failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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