youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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