Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize