i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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