if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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