his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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