Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
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Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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