somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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