Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize